Thursday, June 30, 2011

First Salaries...

I see a lot of fresh, enthusiastic minds from the 2011 batch of XLRI putting up status updates on Facebook about the ecstasies and raptures of them receiving their first salaries.

It's a powerful, heady feeling. The ultimate coming of age event. A voice rings withing you saying "Hereupon, I cease to be a dependant monetarily. Henceforth, I take responsibility for fulfilling my needs and those of others connected with me, whether now or in future"

I recollect Mr Narayan Murthy's statement in a TV show: "Money bestows upon you tremendous power. The power to give"

No no, don't get me wrong, I am not advocating donating it all to charity or something (though a small percentage towards that end will certainly not be harmful!)

But there's still a lot that could be done.

The classical Hindi film hero would get a sari for his Mom after 25 years of her wearing the same sari.

Or if you are Salman Khan, you would slug it out with Mohnish Behl and his baddies in rain and slush before you could take the money home to convince your beloved's father to let her marry you.

One time-tested technique is to remember all those who really, really matter to you and who made a difference to your life. There must be at least some of those. You could get something for them. Nice, thoughtful and personalized.

Like that beautiful song from the movie Papa Kahte Hain: "Yeh jo thode se hain paise; Kharch tum par karun kaise..."

Or that touching lesson in the old Hindi textbook about a little boy who works hard to buy a pair of pincers for his mother so that she doesn't have to pick up the rotis from the hot stove by hand.

Particularly when buying for elders, what works well is identifying something that you believe they need, but which they will never in a million years buy for themselves. I had bought a cellphone for my grandmother with my first salary. She looked at me, with all the accumulated unease of 77 years and said "Beta, what will I do with this?" I could only smile in reply. Happily, she's used it quite regularly since then.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Those People...

There are those people.

Why do you have to struggle so much with them at times? Why don't they understand your silence?

Why do they forget the times when you pandered to their whims? Why don't they understand what's important to you and let you make mistakes accordingly?

Why are they so binding? Why can't they trust your intentions and set you free? Why is there a need to prove your loyalty every time?

Why do they tell you that there's a problem and then not tell you what it is? Why do they want to watch you helplessly seeing them wither away?

Yep, there are those people...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

MGRP takes cue from Bipasha Basu, to launch instructional video on goondaism...

An old post which didn't get posted; I had actually submitted it to a well known site which publishes such news; It got rejected by them as they felt they had published too many articles on the same theme already. A conversation with a friend reminded me of it today and I thought what the heck - why not post it now!!!

MGRP takes cue from Bipasha Basu, to launch instructional video on goondaism

After Bipasha Basu launched her sensational new video on fitness and exercise, the Maharashtra Goonda Raj Party is all set to launch its own instructional video on its core competency – goondaism.

An MGRP spokesman, who wished to remain unnamed, confirmed that the project was already underway and would soon be completed pending Supremo approval. Though the title is not finalised, our analysts expected it to be named “Mee, Mumbai Darr” (I, Mumbai Get Scared)

The publicity for the video is to be carried out through word-of-mouth on YourTube & FaeceBook as well as outdoor billboards. The concept draft for the campaign depicts a moustached man in a saffron kurta-pyjama with the tagline “Gheun Taak” (Roughly translated as “Take’em Apart”).

Though they remained tight-lipped about the content, our sources suggest that it will have a comprehensive coverage of goondaism in Maharashtra, with live demonstrations by an assortment of subject matter experts. Among other things, the video is expected to have sections on vandalism in cinema halls, road blockages, issuing threats to celebrities & shutting down offices. Special sections will include disruption of Valentine’s Day celebrations & intimidation of migrants.

Rahul Mahajan and Rakhi Savant have been roped in as Brand Ambassadors. Ramesh Todmarodkar, the publicity manager for the video, said “Rahul & Rakhi represent a young, vibrant & spunky Maharashtra, which inspite of facing deep-rooted issues and problems, is able to came out on top eventually.” The trailer for the video will depict Rahul & Rakhi slapping a Bihari auto-rickshaw driver for not speaking in Marathi & forcibly getting a romancing couple married.

A senior MGRP functionary said “The video shall take our ideology and physiology to the masses. It was a long cherished dream of Saaheb to ensure the spread of our philosophy to the common man. The dream is finally becoming a reality.”

So, mark the date in your calendar – “Mee, Mumbai Darr” releases, Feb 14th, 2010...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mumbai Minute

He stared at the shattered headlight and the bus driver in front. As he started to get out of the car, she placed a restraining hand on his shoulder "Honey, please..."

He glanced at the urchin with sympathetic disdain "Boss, yeh fusht class hai. Pecial dabba hai.Niklo nahi to police pakadega..."

Chhotu was running along with the car barely holding on to the fast closing window shouting "Saahab, ek to lelo..."

The fruit seller was pleading "Mhaaster, ye baar chhod do.Ghar pe bachha bimaar hai"

"Haay haay kya jodi hai re. Raju ko dekho, ekdum saarukh khan dikhta hai. Itna chikna hai. De na! Arre kuch to de na!" The couple got embarassed and started to walk furiously...

The old gentleman was pushing past everyone on the narrow footpath. An irate young man retorted "Unkil! Kya karta hai?" The gent replied "Kya karun beta, humaara company mein seth log bahut shtreek hai..."

"Andheri east?" "Gas nahi hai miyaan. Gaadi dene ka bhi time hogaya hai" the driver said, moving the cab forward. Another passenger got into it.

Loud music blared from the speakers surrounding the huge idol on the truck, as men with saffron headbands danced around it. "Sanskruticha paalan karaavay laagtay"they told the protesting motorists...

"License jama karna padega. 15 din lagega. Aur 500 rupaye ka phaain. Abi bolo kya karneka hai?" The cop told him, looking at the 100 rupee note he was clasping nervously...

"Main bolta hain na teko,public ko akal nahi hai gaadi chalaaneka" he said, as he lowered the window and spat outside.

"Aai, baba kashaala oradtaat? Hi ghaanerdi vaas kashaachi?" she asked, as her mother held her tightly, suppressing her tears. He continued his slurred profanities.

The ambulance's siren was blaring behind her. She looked desperately for space around to give way to it but there was none.

"Dhakka kyun deta hai? Pehli baar train mein jaa raha hai kya?" He fumed on the school student behind him, who stared meekly.

"I will give you a sea facing flat." The broker grinned, displaying a line of betel-stained teeth. "Sea-facing? In Borivali?" "Yes, just wait for the rains..."