Friday, October 21, 2011

Apple to Target Footwear Market, Designs New Throwing Shoe

Apple Inc, known for its innovative technology products, has now come out with iThrow - shoes, designed specifically for throwing at people.

With celebrity targets such as George Bush, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Arvind Kejriwal, Shoe Throwing has evolved to become an activity which unites people across the globe.

Mr Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, said "Given recent events, it has been a period of great soul searching for us. Our search for the soul, led us to the sole. Our motto has been simple - often the customer doesn't know what he wants, till you place it in his hands. We believe shoes designed for throwing are the next big opportunity. It's not a shoe we are selling. Its hope and experience"

A leading Tech Commentator stated "The shoe's advanced design allows seamless removal and ejection using Apple's proprietary iTouch system. Astonishingly, the shoe functions completely by touch - right down to putting it on and tying laces"

The shoe, named iThrow, will be the most software intensive shoe over. There is already a library of over 10000 apps, including apps which take a snapshot of the target just before hittng it as well as apps which help you decide the best angle to throw the shoe from. There's also an app which instantly updates your Facebook status once the shoe reaches its target.

Apple is rumoured to have included an 8 megapixel camera which films the entire throwing sequence automatically in HD. The shoe can also be synced with your iPod to play the right kind of tense / pulsating music during the throwing, to suit the atmosphere.

"Our new Siri technology will also be integrated with the shoe" Mr Cook said. "While its still experimental, some of the capabilities are truly mind boggling. For instance, you can train Siri to abuse the target on your behalf. You can also give voice commands to make the shoe change its target midway"

Nirdosh Kumar, a self-confessed Apple addict, said hes very excited about this new offering. "I have no idea why I need it, or how I will use it. But those things can be figured out later once I buy it"

Surprisingly, the shoe is not walking / running compatible.

"Human locomotion as a use for shoes is outdated" Mr Cook declared "As an innovative company, it is our duty to design products which challenge existing mindsets and paradigms and expand technology into the realm of the unknown. We made FM outdated with the iPod. I don't see why we cant do the same with Walking and iThrow"