Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Thought & The Self

She smiled derisively and said "So there you are"

I acquiesced.

"Thats the problem with you. You are everywhere"

I shifted uncomfortably. "I am with you, too"

"Ohh yes, you are with me, but you are not for me. You belong to everyone. Don't you see how flawed that is?"

"I didn't quite..."

"Understand? Of course you didn't"

"I love..."

"Hah! Was there ever a thought that was in love?"

I waited, uncertain

"You just don't get it do you? A thought, that's what you have reduced yourself to. You have no Self. You, who allowed your fears to starve and your aspirations to wither! Where are your jealousies, your insecurities? You thought, you worthless piece of thought!"

I protested. "While I may have no Self, at least you have one. Can a thought not love a Self?"

She shook her head pityingly. "It is true, I am a Self. But a thought cannot comprehend a Self. It can only comprehend other thoughts. What it comprehends of the Self will be only a thought"

"But then..."

"No. I know what you will ask next. Even thoughts can't fall in love with one another. Thoughts are abstractions. Abstractions crash against one another, as do the waves against the rocks on the sea shore, as the wind rustles the leaves and grass; touching each other, but never staying on..."


“Don’t you see what a terrible thing it was to have sacrificed your Self thus? Did you not realize that thoughts have no form unless they possess a Self?

“It was to...”

“Better yourself? You believe this is better, that you have no burdens, and no control either? That anyone may allow you to enter, grow and then be discarded as they deem fit?”

I grew sadder “At least, I am pure. Unbiased. I am not weak. I drive the Self”

“Thats the mistake you are making. You don’t drive the Self; The Self allows itself to be driven by you. You have worth only if the Self allows, only as long as it allows”

I stood shaking, trembling, defeated. “Is there then no hope for me?”

She was smiling again “No, I don’t say that. Though you may not love, you may still be loved by others”

“But this is a price too terrible to pay; Condemned, to being loved by others without the ability to love them! What would I not give for the reverse, to love others without being loved by them, for there I am doing that which is within my reach!”

She sighed. “So it must be, for remember, you chose. You chose perfection over foible, you chose strength over weakness, you chose nothingness over form, you chose peace over insecurity. So also, you ended up choosing to not love over love. But don’t grieve, for when a Self truly loves you, you may become a part of it; then you may regain that which you have lost”

And as I looked in wonder, she departed, a terrifying promise, a sobering question...